here you shall find a collection of my writings

Untitled

How do you feel now
Now you've had your fun
Are you through with me
Do you care anymore
Please let me know
I have to know so I can or cannot move on with my life
When will your love actually start
You tell friends that you like me
But I need to know it for myself
Why can't you admit it
Why won't you admit it
Just tell me the way you feel
I need to know why you act this way
How do I know that these feelings are real
All I need is a little clarification on everything
How do you really feel how will I know if you never say anything
Talk to me tell me how you feel
Make a little effort for once
Help me out give me direction on how this love is going to be
If you fail to help then I will have to say goodbye
How would you like that
How would that make you feel
Maybe then you could relate to the way I feel
Because right now I honestly don't think you care
I am very confused
I ask it once again give me the direction of this love

Untitled#2

Why does it have to be this way
Why does she not hear me
Why does she not listen
Why is it all my fault
Why do I always have to be left out
Why can't I have someone
What is wrong with me
When will I finally be happy
When will someone finally love me
Why do I have to be alone
How come my life sucks
Why does no one care

Untitled #3

Goddamn again the loneliness has over taken me. The memories of you are over powering. The time you have been gone has left a part of me empty. I long to hear your voice once again reassuring me. Your embrace so strong yet so tender to me. I miss your kiss and the way you make even the worst things seem so unimportant when you are there. I long for the day when I can be in your arms again. Just to feel your touch can make me melt inside. The days seem to pass so slowly when you are away. I patiently await your return knowing we can be together again.

Shattered

Again I'm shattered into lots of pieces lost another one, another battle is over, but a new one begun, a war silently raging deep inside my heart. One more wrong kind to add to the list. Never can I be perfect, not for anyone. Am I destined to walk alone till the end of time? From what I see Yes. But no, no is the answer, the one I get from everyone. Rejected again, the pain only deepens. Will I ever be "just right"?I cannot bear to think, the answer I do not care to know, but deep inside I already do, there will never be, no me with you only me alone with pain and darkness and defeat. The walls I had attempted to build, my salvation and suffering have all once again come crashing down upon me, now I have been forced to move on but no one knows just how hard it can be to just forget and to think of new things. The pain I still harbour from every little thing. No longer will I let myself fall for anyone because it will as always end with pain and regret so fuck you all I have no one so fuck you happy people who just don't understand you do not know what it feels like for someone like me, alone in this world of hardship and fate. my fate? Well fuck my fate it helps not in the matters of now I am destined to walk this lonely desolate earth till I die, with no one by my side to understand my feelings, my pain no one sees the hurt in me I act like I'm happy but truly I am not I cannot bear with the hate I feel for myself deep inside it grows worse and worse everyday. New day, new failure its and endless cycle of pain and regret now you say how can I say these horrible hateful words. Well I'll tell you my friend I say fuck happiness and fuck life, why can't it leave me alone to my indifference and tolerance to those who hurt me just stay the fuck away from my heart and I'll survive. The marks from my unsuccessful acts to free myself from the burden of life haunt me and tease me as if calling me to repeat my actions, but I will not surrender to their past I am smarter now and can now say fuck you all I have too much hate!

You

There's an emptiness growing.
Filling me inside.
Counting the days, hours, minutes and seconds since we've been apart.
The emptiness i feel
Grows more than I can bear.
How can one miss another this much?
How can one care so deeply after such a short amount of time?
Wanting to let these feelings be known.
But not wanting to scare you off.
Wishing more than ever to hold you in my arms,
And never have to say good-bye.
Your touch so electric it sends shivers through my body.
Your kiss so gentle makes me melt inside.
Your hand in mine feels so right.
Everytime we part a peice of me leaves with you.
With you by my side i feel complete.
My trust grows strong,
But cautious it is still.
My heart in your hands, hopes not to be broken.
Being with you feels so right.
My arms hold you tight,
Never wanting to let go.
Time tears us apart.
But we will meet again.
Stronger than before.
I miss you babe, more than ever before.